Sunday, February 11, 2024

M3's Basketball Journey

M3 has been playing in a recreational basketball league for several years now and every Saturday I sit in my car in the parking lot and do some work for an hour while she does drills.  Then I go in to watch the last hour, which is a game.  Well today is Chinese New Year (Kung Hei Fat Choy to anyone reading) so I’m not going to do any work.  I started to reflect on M3’s basketball journey and decided to write a blog about it.  (I’m posting one day after I started this blog.)

While her sisters danced competitively, M3 tried dancing and it wasn’t her cup of tea (she danced like her dad).  Then she tried basketball and she said she enjoyed it.  So we signed her up in a recreational house league.  It’s not at a very high competitive level but it challenged her and helped her physical development.  I told her she doesn’t have to be in a competitive league like her sisters, just go out, challenge yourself and have fun.  If you try your best and improve, then Mommy and Daddy will be proud of you.  After all, that is the Canadian way, eh?  Beat your personal best.

Well, the first session was quite successful.  M3 had lots of fun and made some friends (too bad they moved to a higher league the next season).  Although her team did not win, they got a trophy.  Each team got a trophy and the size depended on your position in the standings.  When M3 went up to get her trophy she was extremely happy.  Afterwards she ran to me all excited and exclaimed, “This is the first trophy I ever got!”  Seeing her like that made me extremely happy too, and I will remember that moment forever.

That was just before the COVID lockdown.  Let’s talk about what’s happening now.

M3 is still in a recreational league where there are 4 teams of around 12 girls each.  They practise for 1 hour and then play a game with 8 shifts of 6 minutes each, running time.  Ten girls would be the perfect number so that you get to go on every other shift.  But depending on attendance, you might get double shifted or have to sit out an extra shift.

M3 is one of the shortest girls in the league.  She is not the fastest nor strongest but she plays sound defense.  She has middle-of-the-road skills but doesn’t always get to exhibit them because she is one of the most passive players.  This has been going on for a couple of years but this latest session I’m seeing more improvement.  The girls don’t crowd around the ball carrier anymore and M3 is one of the better ones at getting open.  She is starting to think the game better.  She helps out her teammates when they are beaten on defense or when they need an outlet on offense.  She can also chip in with the occasional basket.  She generally gets zero to three baskets per game.  The scores are typically in the 30s so 6 points can be considered better than average.

The games now are also more competitive and exciting because the girls know what they’re doing.  One time M3 had a game that was very exciting and her team won by one point.  We had dinner plans and were supposed go pick up M1 and M2 at home but M3 and I were in the car talking about the exciting game and I forgot to pick up M1 and M2!

So far, her teams have finished in first, second, and fourth – never third yet.  Currently she is on a 4-session streak of first place.  The most recent one was very exciting because her team was actually in fourth after the regular season.  In the playoffs (all 4 teams make the playoffs), her team beat the first place team in the semi-finals.  Then they ended up winning the championship game the following week.

Just this past week, M3 tried out for her school basketball team.  Two girls play in her recreational league.  Some girls play in a higher level league.  I wasn’t sure if she would make the team because I would think the girls who try out would play outside of school and would probably have better skills.  Well, she made the team and while we don’t know what her role will be, I am very happy that she tried her best and made it.  Overall, I am very happy with M3’s basketball journey thus far and am anxious to see what lies ahead.

Big Oh



Thursday, June 29, 2023

Breakout Year

"Mommy, I want to win an Overall." - These words were spoken by M2 about 7 or 8 years ago.  YC replied, "Just work hard, practise hard, and you'll have a chance one day.  Different judges look for different things.  Some like your technique, some look for a certain style, some look for stage presence ... you never know.  If you don't win, it doesn't mean you're a bad dancer.  Different dancers develop at different times.  If you don't win this year, maybe you'll win next year.  You never know when you will have your breakout year."  Then she named several dancers at our studio who didn't become really good until they were older.

Later YC said to me, "I know M2 will have a breakout year one of these days.  She tries so hard.  She deserves it.  And she'll be so happy when it happens."

Well, I guess I should first explain what an "Overall" is, in case some of you are thinking it's an article of clothing and I forgot to put an "s" at the end.

In dance competitions, the dancers compete in a category such as "age 12 ballet" or "age 13 hip-hop".  Then the scores are compared in (usually) 4 categories: Mini (Under 8), Junior (8-10), Teen (12-14), Senior (15-17).  They will give an "Overall" award to the top 5 in each category - so for example you can win 1st Overall in the "Teen" category.  To do so, the "age 13 hip-hop" dancer needs to win his/her own category and also beat all other 12, 13, and 14 year-olds in all the other dance styles: Jazz, Acro, Tap, Ballet, Lyrical, Contemporary, etc.  It's not easy.  There could be over 50 dancers in one Overall category.  But then the competition might award top 10 - depends how big the competition is.  Some competitions only have two divisions for Overalls - "13 and over" and "12 and under".

Up until age 15, M2 may have won only three or four Overalls while competing in 4-6 competitions a year.  Most of them were at the back end - she may have been #5 when they awarded top 5 or #10 when they awarded top 10.  M2's dance style that she specializes in is Acro.  There's a popular view (urban myth/excuse/fact?) that it's harder to win an Overall with an Acro, Ballet, or Tap dance as judges mark those styles harder.  There's another belief that judges tend to mark harder on the first day of the competition (Thursday) and then easier at the end (Saturday/Sunday).  Well, the luck of the draw had M2 dancing on the first day for most competitions.  I don't know if these are the reasons that she didn't win or just excuses, but I (biased father) felt that she did dance better than others who placed higher than her.  Sometimes other parents would mention that M2 should have scored higher as well.  All this really hurt me because I knew how much M2 wanted it and I really felt she was robbed sometimes.

Well, this year, age 16, M2 had her breakout year!  (I'm sure you guessed this was coming or else this would have been a pretty pointless blog.)  Since COVID hit, she began training her acro technique at a second dance studio and it greatly improved her skills.  (The way she found this studio will be the subject of future blog.)  She participated in 5 competitions and won first overall in 3 of them and second overall in the other two.  Not only that, she was a fan favourite as the audience cheered loudly for her and could not stop talking about how awestruck they were about some of her moves.  Dancers from other studios complimented her and judges gave her special mentions.  I was thinking, "Finally, some judges that can appreciate real talent!"

Now, M2 is not the most talented all-around dancer at the competitions.  She's not even that in her studio or her own age group.  She would likely not place if she did a solo in another dance style.  But this year, for her Acro solo she delivered a breakout performance.  And YC called it.  YC, I know you enjoyed watching M2's performances this year.  M2, Mommy and Daddy are really proud of you!

Big Oh


Monday, June 5, 2023

Basket B


Today is YC’s and my 24th wedding anniversary.  I’m going to share a memory about one of our more common dates.

We liked to frequent a restaurant called, “Dickens” at Midland and Finch.  It was a Hong Kong style cafĂ© and it was quite the happening place in the 90s.  The crowd was mainly university students or young adults in their mid to late 20s.  We’d often bump into other friends there, also going on dates.  Then one of YC’s high school friends got a job as a waiter there and so he would get us extra food once in a while.

I don’t think we had dinner there a lot.  We generally went there after dinner and a movie.  So we’d go there around 10 PM and there were still a lot of people there.  This was the “siu yeah” (midnight snack) meal that was common for the dating scene.  Sometimes we would go there for a snack before the midnight show at Market Village when they still had a movie theatre there (remember that?).

So what kind of snacks did we have?  Well, recall my blog about our Montreal Trip this past Christmas.  In there I mentioned something called, “Basket B” and that it would be the subject of a future blog.  Well, this is the blog.  YC and I would order Basket B – that’s how it was labelled on the menu.  They had foods that were served in baskets and this one had fries, onion rings, chicken wings, fried shrimp, and I think calamari.  Basically, it was just a bunch of fried stuff.  I don’t think I would be able to handle all that fried food today but back then it was the perfect snack!  YC didn’t like fried food as much as I did so she only had a few nibbles.  But she liked to watch me enjoy the food and rave about it.  She would order a bubble tea (or “pearl milk tea” as it was called back then).  She maintains that she was enjoying bubble tea before it became a “thing”.  Yes, there were no bubble tea stores in the 90s.  It was just another item on the menu.

After we got married and moved downtown, we went to Dickens a lot less.  Then after having a baby, we didn't go at all.  And one day when we did bring our daughters there to introduce them to Basket B, it was gone!  I don’t know when that Dickens store closed down but I think there is one in Markham somewhere.  Maybe I will bring my daughters one day and enjoy a Basket B with them.  YC, my love, I know you will be watching us and enjoying a bubble tea.  Happy Anniversary.

Big Oh

Sunday, May 21, 2023

My Lesson in Parenting

Yesterday I got into a shouting match with M3.  It was because she had trouble with her music assignment and she was refusing to take any of my suggestions.  Then she started whining, crying, and just going on and on.  It was late, after 10 PM, I was ironing.  But have I not learned anything over the last few years?  Did I regress?  I should have known that she was just frustrated and needed some comforting.  After we calmed down, I tucked her into bed and we hugged.

I think it’s been almost a year (or even more) since we’ve had an episode like this.  Some history …

Around the age of 6 (six years ago), M3 would have tantrums a few times a week.  She also got unreasonable.  She would say things like, “I need to shower but I don’t want to.”  So if I said she should shower, M3 would get upset and cry because she doesn't want to shower.  Okay, then don’t shower today.  But she would still scream and cry because she needs to shower.  Many times, we had to call Uncle Pepe over to be a peacemaker.  He is a very calm person but sometimes M3 even managed to get him angry.

It got to the point where we had to enlist the help of a social worker.  The school helped us get connected to one.  (Luckily there were no incidents at school.)  We went to see her as a family because M3 had run-ins with each of us.  We (especially me) wanted to know if there was some sort of behavourial issue with M3.  Wow, what an eye-opening experience for me!  The social worker told us, “You guys are all here to find out what’s wrong with M3, but she’s the only one acting normal for her age.”

The social worker explained that if M3 had behavourial issues, she wouldn’t be able to sit nicely for these hour-long sessions.  She would act up in school or in public.  She only does so at home because that’s where she seeks comfort.  She is probably very stressed and confused at school and when she gets home, she just lets it all out.

YC and I had been trying to protect our girls from her disease by not talking about it.  We were somewhat avoiding the issue.  M3 hears things and senses the negative energy in the household and is very confused by everything.  That is why she gives us unreasonable arguments – because she has all these emotions inside her that she can’t understand.

After that, we were more open with our daughters, especially YC.  I had to change my way of parenting.  I function more on logic.  If there’s a problem, tell Daddy and we’ll come up with a solution.  But M3 functions on emotions.  She feels a certain way, there’s no rhyme or reason; there’s no solution to some problems.  She just wants me to hold her and comfort her.

Through the sessions, I learned to be more patient, offer more emotional support than problem solving.  There were still tantrums, but less and less.  My relationship with M3 slowly improved.  During COVID, we played together almost everyday – basketball and biking outdoors or cards and board games indoors.  When she started going to school in person again, she started hanging out with her friends again.  They walked to school together as a group and played in the park after school.  There’s still drama sometimes about who is better friends with whom, but I think that is all “normal behaviour" for school children at her age.

I know my anger issues have made me a bad parent at times but when I think back about this journey with M3 and me, I am very happy.  I am happy that I was able to change my behaviour (occasional regression, notwithstanding).  I am happy about how our relationship has improved and how it continues to develop.  I am happy that M3 has become a happy, cheerful, and nice little girl.  Sometimes I hear her offering to help her grandma with housework and that warms my heart.

Of course, we still get mad at each other once in a while, but it’s no different than what happens with M1 and M2.  And no different than with my parents and me when I was growing up.  I tell M3 that she is doing great, doing nothing wrong, and most of the time when I get mad, it’s Daddy’s fault.  Usually it’s from stress at work.  But yesterday, I don’t know what happened.  There was no work deadline, it was the long weekend, and I don’t find ironing particularly stressful.  So I’m not sure why we started shouting.  But M3, I can tell you that it’s not your fault.  Daddy just lost it.  I’m sorry.

Big Oh

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

Montreal Trip: Day 4

It was the final day of our trip and we checked out of the hotel at noon.  The plan was just to have a quick lunch and drive back to Markham.  We walked around for 20 minutes looking for a place because every restaurant we wanted to go to was closed!  Not sure why, because it wasn't a holiday.  We contemplated taking the Metro somewhere again so that M2 could get in another ride.  But we ended up at another Italian restaurant - the girls love Italian food!  M1 got seafood risotto, M2 got shrimp and veal pasta, M3 got tortellini, and I got a pizza.  The place didn't look very nice but the food tasted quite good.  I thought M1's risotto was comparable to the fancy place we went to on Day 2.

The drive back to Markham was smooth and we only stopped once for a break.  Waiting for us was a nice home cooked meal by Uncle Pepe and Aunt Kay.  We also got to sleep in our own beds again.  This is why Mommy always said the best part about a vacation is that feeling you get when you come home.

Overall, it was a very nice vacation.  We had a good time and some relaxation.  Everyone enjoyed the food.  It was nice for me that M1 took care of the itinerary.  I only had to choose one restaurant ... what was the name of it again?  Oh yeah, Tim Horton's - on route.  Another bonus for me was that the driving was easy.  The train tickets for the four of us were a whopping $894 including taxes!  So the trade-off for $130 of gas and $75 for parking was a big gain.  M1's favourite part was everything!  She liked the shows, the food, just spending time together as a family.  M2's favourite parts were the Cirque du Soleil show and of course Le Metro.  M3 said, "No offense to the shows, but the food was the best part!"

Big Oh

P.S. Following up on the people falling down on the trip, M1 slipped in the shower at home.  Then the next day, we went to a New Year's Eve party and M3 fell on a snowbank as she was getting out of the car.  So we had a streak where each one of us fell on four consecutive days.


Monday, January 2, 2023

Montreal Trip: Day 3

For Day 3 of our trip, we took a 20 minute Metro ride to have brunch at St-Viateur Bagel.  It's supposed to be one of the best bagel places in Montreal.  There's typically a 30 minute wait and that's about how long we waited outside the restaurant.  Luckily it was not a cold day.

M1 had a bacon bagel, M2 had a BLT bagel, M3 had a ham and cheese bagel, and I had a smoked meat bagel.  I guess it was worth the wait because we all thought the bagels tasted very good.  In fact, M2 said she is not going to have a bagel at Tim Horton's ever again.

Afterwards, we hopped on the Metro again to visit the Jean Talon market.  It's like the St. Lawrence Market in Toronto, but smaller.  There were lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and meats.  We snacked on some macaroons and they were very good.

Then it was back on the Metro again to go back to the mall we went to yesterday.  I wanted to pick up a 3D puzzle of the Batmobile and a 1500 piece Star Wars jigsaw puzzle.  Strangely, I was the only one to buy souvenirs on this trip.  Then we took the Metro back to the hotel to rest a bit before our next event that M1 booked.

The next event was a 30 minute Metro ride to the Planetarium where we watched 2 half-hour shows - one about stars and constellations and another about planets in our solar system and beyond.  I was always interested in astronomy so M1 booked this for me.

I mentioned in the Day 2 blog that the roads were slushy.  Well, the sidewalks were not much better.  They weren't shoveled and were often very icy.  I forgot to mention that M2 slipped on the ice and fell yesterday.  During the walk from the Metro station to the Planetarium, I slipped on an icy patch and fell.  They definitely don't plow and salt in Montreal as often as they do in Markham!

For dinner, we took the Metro back downtown and ate near our hotel.  After days of smoked meat, I decided to have a Cobb salad.  M1 had pasta with smoked meat, M2 had a smoked meat platter (we shared so I still had meat), and M3 had a Chicken Caesar wrap.  Again the food tasted really good.

I made it a point to mention all our trips on the Metro for this day because M2 came to the realization that she really likes riding the Metro.  She says it's fun and relaxing at the same time.  (She's never ridden the Toronto subway during rush hour, pre-COVID.)  One time the doors were about to close and we had to run to make it.  She thought that was particularly fun.

Big Oh




Sunday, January 1, 2023

Montreal Trip: Day 2

First off, a Happy New Year to everyone!

Day 2 of our Montreal trip began with breakfast at Ben and Florentine.  It's like a Cora's (which was in our hotel) but I would say slightly better.  M1 got the eggs benedict with avocado, M2 got a chocolate banana crepe, and M3 got a smoothie bowl with poached eggs, guacamole, and cheese.  I pretended to be M3 and ordered a standard sausage and egg meal off the kids' menu.

After breakfast, we bought a 3-day transit pass and took the subway (or Metro as they call it in Montreal) to see the Van Gogh exhibit, which was booked by M1.  We stayed in downtown Montreal, just off of Rue Sainte-Catherine, so I felt it was better to take the transit rather than drive.  The roads were slushy and there were a lot of pedestrians walking around.  Also, I'm terrible with directions, even with Google Maps.

I don't know the first thing about art but again, as YC said - no pre-conceived notions.  I thought the Van Gogh exhibits had very pleasing colour co-ordination, which apparently is one of the characteristics of Van Gogh's work that he did very well.  The highlight for the girls was a kid spinning on a revolving chair, despite his mother telling him to stop.  When he fell off the chair, the girls had a good laugh.

After the exhibit, we walked around a nearby mall.  There were some puzzles I liked but I didn't buy them because I didn't want to carry them around.  We took the Metro again to Eaton Centre and walked around there.  All this was to kill some time before our 5:00 dinner reservation at a fine dining Italian restaurant.  This was going to be our nice fancy meal.  M1 got mushroom gnocchi, M2 got smoked meat risotto, M3 got a mortadella pizza, and I got a 5-meat pasta.  The portions were small but everything tasted delicious.  M1 had given several restaurant choices to us and I chose this one because I wanted to try their fried calamari, shrimp, and scallop appetizer.  It was also amazing!  (Reminded me of Basket B - subject of a future blog.)

Strangely there was no dessert menu, so we went back to the Eaton Centre for some gelato.  Then we took the Metro again to our marquee event - Cirque du Soleil: Corteo.  This was an awesome show with amazing acrobatic feats.  The only drawback was that most of the story was in French and we had trouble understanding some of the dialogue, but we got the gist of it.  I first watched a Cirque du Soleil show in Las Vegas with YC over 20 years ago.  I really liked it and now M2 is a big fan too (Also the subject of a future blog).  We watched the Kurios show in Toronto earlier in the year.

The Corteo show was at the Bell Centre, which was just a 5 minute walk back to our hotel.  Day 2 of our trip was a great day!

Big Oh